One of the biggest personal obstacles I’ve struggled with over the years is that I focus too much on what others think of me, and I’m constantly trying to rise to their expectations (whether those expectations are real or imagined).

It’s a losing battle.

In truth, none of us can control others’ opinions of us. What we CAN control is our own behavior.

This is something bestselling author Sarah Knight discusses in her books, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k and Get Your S**t Together.

Sarah recently joined HER Radio host, Dr. Pam Peeke, to explain her approach to “self help,” which is kind of the opposite of the traditional self-help advice. Instead of asking you to do MORE (work harder, look better, be cleaner), Sarah wants you to do less.

Many of us lead an “over” life: overworked, overbooked, overwhelmed, and overdrawn (literally, with overdrawn checking accounts).

One of the ways you can do less is to perform some mental decluttering. Decide what you don’t give a f**k about (things which might cause you feelings of guilt, shame, fear) and focus your time, energy and money deploying activities you really enjoy… and that are worth your attention.

Sarah shares the example of turning down an invitation. If you do so politely and in a timely manner, you’ve done nothing wrong and therefore there is no need for an apology, nor the reactionary self-imposed shame, blame or guilt.

Invitations come in many forms, too. It might be to a baby shower you simply don’t want to attend or an added task to your workload. Too many times we say yes too quickly, without considering the consequences (again, becoming overworked, overbooked, overwhelmed and overdrawn).

Of course, this advice might not go over well with the perfectionist, type-A personality (me), who thinks she’ll never succeed unless she gives, gives, gives. Start small with some solid boundaries. As you learn to stand up for yourself, you’ll come away from experiences with a greater sense of peace and happiness.

I was a wee bit leery going into this episode, thinking it would be the same tired self-help advice, but I was pleasantly surprised. I hope you find some benefit as well.

P.S. Don’t worry, if you don’t like curse words, neither Sarah nor Dr. Peeke uses them in the interview. Turns out a good ol’ “hoot” is a nice replacement.